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Archive for January, 2014

As someone who absolutely loves music, I have noticed over the course of pretty much my whole life that people tend to get super aggressive over their music preferences…and I am referring specifically to “common” people. Not the ones who made it big and are signed, etc, but people like me who just buy and listen to music. I am, however, extending that to include people who are in a band, but it is a “local band” and they are not signed and not really known by anyone outside of their friends and maybe some people in their area. I remember when I was younger (and even now sometimes) that if I would get caught up in a discussion about bands and musicians that I liked, I would be really careful about who I would say I liked and didn’t like. I guess I was more careful about revealing who I liked than admitting to not liking someone, but still…even at an early age I remember having almost a sense of guilt and embarrassment about liking certain artists and bands. Why? Because there is almost a sense of “coolness” surrounding who you like on the music scene.

Now, I’m not saying I have never looked at someone and been like, “Ew, really, you like them?” I’m not saying there can’t be any discussions on who’s better and all that. But there seems to be a lot of shaming that goes on when people discuss musicians. Why?? The people who freak out because you happen to like a musician who isn’t top class are never people who are famous, who have doctorates in music, or have really any right to think their tastes are better than yours. Now a days I’m getting to the point where I don’t care if someone thinks I listen to stupid bands, and I have found that I get this a lot more. (Just for the record, I really listen to a wide-range of music, and just because I like and listen to someone, doesn’t mean I think that they are the best musician out there. I may simply just like the sound of their music.)
Person: Well, you don’t listen to Nickelback, do you?
Me: Actually, I do.
Person: Oh my god, what is wrong with you?
I honestly don’t think anything is “wrong with me.” And as a side note, this is a friend I was talking to. No hard feelings, but I’m using this example because it happened very recently and because this specific one is probably the most common one I’ve heard in recent years. Apparently a lot of people just hate Nickelback, and anyone that listens to them is extremely stupid and needs their ears examined. I mean, it’s totally fine to not like someone. It’s fine to be like, “Oh, geez, really? I hate them.” But some people take it a lot further than the above example and try to make you feel like you’re a piece of dirt for liking certain bands. I don’t understand when the hostility goes to that level. Especially because it’s not like it’s a famous label CEO who is talking to you. Another example:
Person: Why didn’t anyone tell me that Matchbox 20 is an awesome band???
Other Person: Because they’re not?
Person: Yeah, I was just kidding. Obviously!
Haha? I listen to Matchbox 20. Maybe they’re not the best band that ever lived, but it’s not like they do anything particularly annoying or obnoxious. They don’t swear and they don’t talk about anything controversial or derogatory. Why put down people that happen to like them? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Chances are you listen to bands that a lot of other people like…and those are perhaps the worst examples. When someone is making you feel stupid for listening to someone, and then you find out that they listen to this band that you absolutely can’t stand:
Person A: What? You’re seriously giving me grief because I listen to this band, but you listen to *them*? Really?
Person B: Yeah, but only because my band is just absolutely amazing! You’re an idiot for not liking them! Don’t even talk to me!
It’s fine for them to be like, your band sucks. But the second you try to turn it around, you are once again an idiot…this time not for listening to a band, but for not listening to a band. It gets tiring. I find this phenomenon is worst with music than it is with video games, movies, or TV shows…or really anything else. I’m not sure how it started. I think it’s good to listen to a wide range, but hey…whatever floats your boat. Really the only people that I absolutely do not understand are the ones who say they hate all music and don’t listen to anything. There is so much variety out there…I can’t even imagine going through life without some kind of music. I know people do…I just wouldn’t be able to stand it.

So in conclusion, there are a lot of musicians and bands that I hate. It’s okay to hate bands. I hate Justin Beiber and Niki Minaj and pretty much every grindcore band there is. I also don’t really like hardcore rap or gospel music. But I listen to Nickelback and Matchbox 20 and Selena Gomez and a lot of other people/bands that are generally accepted. Just listen to someone! And when you’re having discussions or debates, play nice, children. There’s no need to insult people for something that they merely like.

End note: Top three favorite bands as of lately: Kamelot, Goo Goo Dolls (who have bounced around my top 3 since I can remember), and Evanescence (who also tends to stay at my top). Kamelot is a semi-recent find…like in the last year and a half to two years…but I just fell in love with them. Check them out. If you like them, great. If not…what’s wrong with you?? 😉 Just kidding……

-AV

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Listen…I may have made a post similar to this a while ago. I honestly don’t remember. But there are some people on my facebook that have been reminding me lately about this phenomenon. What phenomenon, you ask? The one where guys make constant statuses and/or share constant memes or pictures that have something to do with the fact that they are “such nice guys, so why won’t a girl date him?”

One, thou dost protest too much. If you have to constantly tell someone something over and over again about yourself, there is a *chance* that it either isn’t true or that it is at least not completely true. This isn’t always the case. However, I have heard a lot of people over the years say something along the lines of “thou dost protest too much,” so it’s kind of an idea already circulating that if you have to defend something about yourself constantly or just tell people something about yourself, it might not be true.

Two, girls *have* to date “nice guys”? Okay, I kind of know where this one stems from. Guys like to complain that girls are always complaining themselves that they just want a “nice guy” but they always end up with cheaters or jackasses in general. So then these guys go on to complain that they are, in fact, nice guys…so why won’t any of these girls date them? Well, the feminist in me hates typing this out, but it’s completely true, so here we go: Most of those girls typing things like that don’t actually want a nice guy! *MOST* of them want jackasses! They want guys that are smoking hot, super rich, and completely well-known. The problem is, *most* guys that have all of those qualities are jerks. So they want a guy with all of those qualities who also isn’t a complete jerk to them. Do we see the big tangled problem here? So unfortunately, these “nice guys” may be average looking and either poor or making average amounts of money and are just average joes all around…which not everyone thinks is a bad thing, but those types of girls will automatically look them over or friend zone them! There are tons of different types of girls and boys…you have to go for the type that is going to like *your* type!

Three, define “nice guy”. This one is maybe the most important one and kind of incorporates everything that is the problem here. I would call my husband a true nice guy. Does he get cranky sometimes? Yes. Does he say things and do things that I think are stupid? Yes. Does he do things that I think are selfish sometimes? Yes! Is he still a nice guy? Yes. Does he go around telling people that he’s a nice guy? I’ve never heard him do that. I think I even asked him once if during the several years he was single if he ever tried using that tagline, and he didn’t think he really did. If you’re making a dating profile and it’s asking for your personality type or whatever, you can put in there that you’re a “kind hearted person” or you can go with the boring/nondescript “nice” word. But! The problem with words like “nice” is that while everyone knows what they mean, they kind of lose all meaning because they are overused so much! Especially when you add the word “guy” to the end of this one. This has become it’s own word altogether. “Nice guy” almost has a bad connotation now when I hear it, and I know it does for a lot of people, and that’s because the people using it either don’t really know what it’s supposed to mean or they completely are not a nice guy. They just think they are.

Four, just because you’re “nice” doesn’t mean you have every quality every girl wants/needs. This in a way goes along with number three/continues on with what I was saying, but I wanted to make it its own point. Okay, so you’re a nice guy. But you also are so obsessed with football that you can’t miss any game on TV, you have to spend lots of money going to at least half of the home games every year, and you wear nothing but football stuff. You meet a girl who complains that all she wants is a nice guy, and you get a crush on her. But she won’t date you. Guess what? She HATES football. It’s not that she doesn’t really like it or that she doesn’t understand it enough to like it, and once you explain it to her and force her to watch 20,000 games you just know she will love it, too! No. She hates it. How will your relationship ever work?? It won’t! It just wasn’t meant to be! That’s kind of a shallow example, but it’s once that I think I’ve seen happen. You have to let it go. Sorry. Just because you’re nice and she genuinely wants a nice guy doesn’t mean that enough things about you guys are compatible enough for your love to occur. So you’re nice, but you hate animals. You wouldn’t kick a puppy or anything, but you don’t want to be around the hair and drool and deal with vet visits and going for walks and blahblahblah you hate animals. Well, this girl that wants a nice guy but won’t date you so what is wrong with her? She loves animals so much she fosters them, owns some, and volunteers most of her free time at the local shelter. Um…hello? Not going to work! And it’s not *her* fault. It’s not yours, either, in this case…but it is your fault that you’re suddenly a jerk if you think it’s her fault that she won’t date you!

And I kind of forgot about this one until I was typing my last one, so I’m editing it to be the final number five, you have to ask her out. I actually know someone who had a bit of a crush on this girl, right? And he was friends with her. He would go places with her, and they would talk all of the time. As friends. After a while, this other guy started talking to her, and he asked her out. She said yes. The first guy was completely pissed off. He was a nice guy, and they clicked, so how dare she go out with that other guy??!!! Um, did you ever say that you liked her as more than a friend? Oh, you didn’t? Did you ever flat-out ask her out on a date? No, because you were too shy? Well, listen, I understand being shy. However, you can’t blame a girl for just assuming that you just want to be friends when she’s known you forever and you’ve never expressed interest in her! Don’t use the excuse, “Well, we do things all the time and I talk to her constantly, so she had to have *known* that I had a crush on her.” She legitimately might not have known. Seriously. It is possible for guys and girls to be just friends, and what do friends do? Hang out and talk constantly. If you like her that much, you have to find a way to ask her out or make it explicitly clear that you like her as more than a friend. Red roses on V-Day (I hate V-Day). Send her a facebook message saying you’re too shy to say this in person, but… Send her a card in the actual mail saying what you really feel. There’s something that you can do! And if she’s just as nice as you (think you are), even if she doesn’t like you back in the same way, she will let you down easy and not crush your whole self-esteem. If she does, she wasn’t that good of a friend or a person in general to being with.

I hope this wasn’t completely mean or preachy. I love nice guys. I am married to one and friends with a bunch more. They all have their flaws, but deep down inside, they are so caring and have a lot to give. I hope all of them end up with amazing girls. But don’t get mean or turn into a jerkface if a few girls don’t just fall head over heels for you *just because you’re nice*. Seriously. They just aren’t the ones for you. I’m glad every weirdo in the street didn’t fall for my husband just because he’s a nice guy. I think he got discouraged a lot when it didn’t work out with someone or he saw his less-nice friends constantly have quickie relationships, but looking back, we’re both glad he had to put up with some lonely nights and discouragement. Because that meant he was ready and single when he met me. You have to be ready for the person you’re really meant to be with. However, you also have to be open to the idea and not so discouraged that you turn into a different person. If you really are a nice guy, don’t change that by being bitter over a bunch of girls that it didn’t work out with or who wouldn’t give you the time of day. It’s just not them that you were meant to be with.

–AV

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So I haven’t written a blog in weeks because of holidays and not feeling well, but I had tons of ideas. I went to write one yesterday, and naturally all of my ideas departed from my head. However, I was going through my youtube subscriptions and catching up on videos (it’s my substitution for cable), and I watched one that inspired this blog. It was a countdown of 10 controversial videos, and there were a number of ways they came to their conclusions (they had a previous 10 controversial videos countdown, so they were excluded, plus they used their own methods and fan voted ones).

Naturally, because she seems to be everywhere, Miley Cyrus’ “Can’t Stop” video was number 9. Now, I hated that it was included because I wish everyone would just stop talking about her. She knows what she’s doing. She’s doing it to get everyone to talk about her and to view her stuff and oh, look, it’s working!! But I guess she was the number 1 voted fan choice for being on there, so they had to include her. I will not argue that her taste in general is questionable at best. Still, I really don’t think this was a situation in which Miley wrote this song and was just super excited to go over her ideas for this videos and omg it just really showcases her creative and personal side!! No. She sat down with a bunch of writers and producers and they decided the best way to get everyone to feel scandalized. This was a (sad) attempt to be “edgy,” and I think it’s stupid. I think the song is stupid, and the video was definitely stupid.

As far as I remember, the rest had a legitimate or at least understandable reason for being on there. The other one I would like to point out is the number one pick. I’m not putting the band name or the song name, because I don’t want to give it anymore publicity than it already has. After listening to why it was on there plus watching them play parts of the video, I decided that this video and Miley Cyrus’ video had no right to be on the same list. Compared to this video, Cyrus’ video was child’s play. I will start off by saying that nothing would air this video, so I’m assuming it’s just floating around the internet and that’s where the clips come from. I will then follow up by saying that every scene they showed had a large “blocked out” section, and even with that, I was starting to feel ill watching it. To just give a general description so we all know what I’m kind of talking about, it was super, super, super bloody and gory.

I don’t like bloody or gory things in general. Still, this was far beyond being creative or understandable or necessary. It was completely disgusting. One, why make a video when nothing will air it? Does that make it better that everyone thinks it’s so disgusting that they won’t allow it on their station/website? Two, why make it at all? There are ways to be disturbing without making it what I consider garbage. I like disturbing videos if they’re actually done creatively. This was garbage. It was bloody and gory and disgusting for the sake of being bloody and gory and disgusting. It had no other purpose. Which leads me to three, how can and why do people watch this stuff? I’m sure this “band’s” fanbase just thought this was a perfect piece of art that “boring” and “uneducated” people “unfairly” tear to pieces and censor…but let’s be real. I’m quite open-minded; I just admitted to liking disturbingly artful videos; and there are no redeeming qualities to this video.

And on a side-note, I really wasn’t just throwing it out there about how it shouldn’t have been on the same countdown as Cyrus’ video. While most of the other videos were disturbing in some ways, I feel like seeing her video near the beginning doesn’t really prepare you for what you’re going to end up seeing. Not really the countdown video creators’ faults, but just saying. It makes Cyrus’ video look really, really stupid in comparison, since hers just makes you bored and this video makes you think “wtf” and “I think I’m going to go hurl in the toilet now.”

I don’t understand the need for all of this gore and violence. Can we not make something good without all that anymore? Every time someone tells me about this amazing show or movie that I need to see, it has way more blood and/or gore than I can tolerate. I don’t understand. Are blood and gore the only “good” creative qualities writers have left? Can we not make anything good with minimal violence portrayed?

-AV

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